


in time's hands

by spaceshipweather



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F, ScarletWidow, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, Wandanat, brunette wanda, dead pietro maximoff, pen pals to lovers, redhead natasha, the rest of the avengers are in here too, this shit is so angsty, wanda's really sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2019-08-24 20:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16646780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceshipweather/pseuds/spaceshipweather
Summary: "My problem isn't that I don't know myself, it's that my mind is constantly changing and I have to readjust to it all over again". . .After not being able to sustain herself even with the help of her therapist, Wanda checks herself into treatment—trying to heal from a past that continues to haunt her. While she's there, Maria Hill proposes the idea of having a pen pal. Wanda isn't too fond of the idea but allows herself to give it a try, discovering some things about herself along the way.





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh yeah major trigger warning!!! this chapter covers suicide and its kind of graphic? also, tw for flashbacks because those are kind of descriptive too. 
> 
> after a month of debating on posting this, i'm finally gonna do it. so we'll see how this goes. please comment and let me know what you think!! this isn't my first time ever posting on here, but it is my first time posting a multi-chap fic.
> 
> edit: it took me over an hour to post this because im so scared haha

"Do you remember our agreement?"

Wanda nodded but averted her eyes to the diplomas on the walls. _Ashley Rodman, bachelor's and master's degree in counseling._

The older woman put her notes aside, taking her reading glasses off to get a better view of the brunette. She could tell Wanda obviously didn't want to take the next step of the deal just by reading her body language. Wanda's jaw was clenched, her arms were wrapped in a position of protection, and her foot anxiously tapped the floor.

"I think it's time, Wanda. Your symptoms aren't getting any better, and you refuse to talk about what happened. Whatever it was happened six months ago. You've got to talk about it sometime, you can't just let it eat you up inside. I really think you could benefit from the program."

Wanda defiantly shook her head at her therapist, "I swear I'll talk this time!"

Ashley sighed, "You've been saying that for awhile now. Not much has changed, about the only thing I notice different is that your hair has gotten longer and you dyed it a few months ago, but you wouldn't even talk about that. You still have an unhealthy look in your eyes, your body is small and frail, you're always tense, the list goes on."

Wanda sank back in her chair, knowing the woman in front of her was right.

"You know the state pays for your treatment right? Everything's covered. That was part of the deal. You were there, in court, listening to all the agreements." Wanda flinched as the woman got closer to the subject. Her worst memory itched and burned all over her body. There was no escaping it; she was a victim and nothing could ever change that.

"Think about it. You don't have to make up your mind today, or even tomorrow, but think about it." Ashley stood up and led Wanda out of the room, "I'll see you next week, okay? Call if anything happens."

"Yeah, see you later."

With a small sigh, Wanda started her car engine and in a daze, made her way to her apartment. Trauma littered her mind, broken thoughts and scattered memories were a consistent recurrence. She couldn't even sleep without some form of what happened coexist within her dreams. Every night it was the same nightmare over and over again. She tried sleeping pills, but that only led to an accidental overdose just a month after being prescribed. Although looking back, it didn't seem like too much of an accident now.

Wanda gently stepped out of her car, not bothering to lock it behind her. She opened the apartment door and fell on her couch. A small meow echoed through the empty room, soft paws and a tiny jingle of a bell were heard running down the hallway. _Koda._ Wanda let a smile embrace her face when the black cat jumped on her stomach. He licked the back of his body before settling in the space between her arm and rib cage.

Wanda adjusted herself while gently petting his fur. It was only at times like this when she was peaceful, but it never lasted long. Bad always outweighed any amount of good in her life.

After the incident no one seemed to stick around. She didn't really have many friends in the first place, but it still bothered her knowing how quickly people gave up on her. Pietro would've stayed, he'd wait through everything not for, but _with_ her.

 _"Such a shame he's dead. All my fault,"_ she muttered.

* * *

 

Midnight arrived and she did her best to manage her symptoms. Feelings engulfed her and she had no clue how to handle it because tonight seemed to be much worse than before.

Wanda panicked and curled herself around Koda. Tears began to fall down her face— _flashbacks were always the worst._ She could feel it happening to her all over again—touch, bruise, scratch, and all. She felt dirty and vile, and the only thing she could do was hope it would pass soon.

Her hands began to shake uncontrollably. _Panic attack._ Her breathing became irregular and she began scratching at her neck.

She was alone.

No friends. No family. _No one._

She pushed away the people she once had before they even had a chance to offer any kind of help.

Wanda wasn't particularly keen on opening up to people. It was far too personal for her, she never found anyone she could trust other than Pietro. The only person she had now was Ashley, but even then Wanda wasn't too sure about her. Despite that though, Wanda dialed the only available phone number she could think of.

_No answer. Again. No answer. Again. Finally, an answer._

"Hello?" A groggy voice answered the call.

"Ashley?"

"Wanda? What are you doing calling this late, are you okay?" Wanda heard the concern in her therapist's voice but chose to ignore it. "I don't know..."

She sniffled, "I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't-"

"Wanda!"

_Silence._

"I need you to tell me what's going on, you called for a reason." Wanda held back the lump in her throat and wiped her tears away. "I can't. I'm so sorry, forget about this. I'm sorry, I made a mistake." She slammed the phone down and smashed it into pieces.

She could feel it all over again. She could feel the burning of his hands, the tightness around her throat, the pain between her legs. It was unbearable.

The next thing she knew, she was in the bathroom, a bottle of pills in her hands. Her reflection resembled her inside: tired and worn—completely diminished, withering away into tiny pieces she didn't recognize. What was the point if she couldn't ever make it stop? Was it really worth it to keep going when the only thing she felt was pain?

 _"No,"_ she thought to herself, and she laughed.

This was it.

Swallowing the first few pills, she gagged, choking as they went down her throat. Wanda always hated taking medication, she believed that no pain was enough for her to take anything. It was kind of ironic now that she'd thought about it.

"No pain, no gain," she muttered under her breath. _It's not like anyone would come for me anyways._

With death in mind, she consumed another few handfuls. She wanted to make sure this was it, no backing out, no second chances (or third if we want to be correct).

By now she could feel them in her stomach. They were heavy with regret, but most of all she was relieved. Maybe she'd see her brother again, who knew. He was the only person who understood her, so when he was ripped away from her she took it harder than the actual traumatic event that caused her so much loss.

Wanda sat on the cold floor with the door locked. A small smile was plastered on her face because she knew absolutely no one would find her. She even made sure Koda had enough food and water to last a bit and left the window open for him if he felt like leaving, it was the least she could do for him. She made herself comfortable, pulling the soft rug on the floor into a pillow she gently rested her head down and closed her eyes.

It was not peaceful. She didn't know how long after, but she awoke in a daze, vomit pouring out of her mouth. Her muscles tensed and her neck and fingers cramped up. Her body was shaking uncontrollably, convulsing in what appeared to be shock. It was everything but calm and quiet. Loud groans filled the air and the sudden realization hit her; she didn't want this. She was scared and alone, the one way she didn't want to go out.

Tears sprung out as she violently jolted up, trying to find a solution— but her knees gave out beneath her and she fell into a state of oblivion, her eyes rolling in the back of her head

_. . . ._

_"Pietro, wait for me!" Wanda ran towards her brother, desperately trying to catch up to him. He smiled back at her and kept running, but slowed his pace enough so she could catch up._

_"You're so fast, how?" She was breathless. Pietro shrugged his shoulders and found a place underneath a tree for them to rest. He scanned their surroundings before he sat down, keeping an eye out for anyone that might discover them. After deciding it was clear, he placed himself next to Wanda and let her head rest on his shoulder._

_"Do you think they'll find us, Pietro?" His jaw clenched tightly, knowing who she was talking about. They hurt her, time and time again; there was no way he'd ever let her go back. He wrapped a protective arm around her and kissed the top of her head, "I won't let them."_

_Wanda looked up, "Do you promise?"_

_He moved away so he could look in her eyes. He held out his pinky finger, ready for her to grasp. It was a very kid-like thing to do, but they had always done it with the most important promises. Wanda wrapped her finger around his and waited for him to speak._

_"I pinky promise that I will never let them hurt you again—or anyone else for that matter." She looked at him and knew Pietro meant what he said, he always did. He let go and brought her in for a hug. Pietro didn't know what was ahead of them, but as long as his sister was alright then they would be just fine_

_. . . ._

It was blinding, her abdomen hurt like hell, and she couldn't speak from the tube that was down her throat. She tried to groan, hoping that maybe a nurse would hear her, but instead, she was met with a familiar voice—one that she knew, though she couldn't fully identify it.

"Hey, you're okay. I'll go get the nurse, stay still."

She watched the woman disappear out of the room and waited patiently, trying not to freak out.

When the woman she recognized to be Ashley came back, a nurse followed behind her with a cup of water in hand. Ashley sat in the chair next to Wanda and looked away when the nurse removed the tube.

"I'm just going to ask you a few questions, okay?" Wanda nodded and took a sip from the cup, hoping to ease the burning in her throat.

"Can you tell me your name and what city you're in?"

"Wanda Maximoff. Cold springs, New York." her throat ached and it hurt to talk, but she was scared of what they might do to her if she didn't.

"Good. Can you tell me the year and your reason for being admitted?"

"2018." She kept her answer short, avoiding the other question for the sake of being in denial. She didn't want to believe that she had wanted to give up so easily again. She didn't want to face the consequences of her actions just yet.

"And the reason?" Wanda shrugged her shoulder in reply, keeping her gaze focused on her hands. "If you'll excuse us, please." Ashley interrupted before the nurse could say anything else. The young woman nodded and left the room.

"Look at me Wanda." Wanda raised her head, knowing this was no time for games. "What happened?"

"I don't know-"

"Oh bullshit. You called me crying, saying that you were sorry over and over again. And now you expect me to take an 'I don't know' as some sort of reasonable explanation? I'm supposed to keep you safe, Wanda. You're supposed to tell me what's going on. So I'm going to ask you again, What happened?" Ashley's voice was stern with worry and frustration.

"I don't know what happened! I was fine at first. I took a nap, slept with Koda, and then I woke up." Wanda took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure before continuing. "I could see it happening all over again and I didn't know what to do. I-He couldn't protect me..."

Her voice was shaky, filled with grief and sadness. Ashley sympathized for her, but she knew Wanda was out of her hands.

"I called the treatment center."

"No, I don't-"

"You have to go, Wanda. There's no other option. I can't keep you safe, and you need someone who can." Ashley pleaded with the brunette. She knew how much Wanda didn't want to go, and she hated that for her, but Wanda needed this.

"When would they take me?"

Ashley sighed, "When you're released. It's about an hour and a half drive from here."

"Where is it?"

"Connecticut."

Wanda let her head fall back on her pillow. She was terrified. She had never done anything without her brother before and now she was being forced to live in a world without him as if he had never even existed in the first place.

"You know I wouldn't be putting this out on the table if I didn't think it was the best option."

"Yeah." Wanda turned herself so she wasn't facing Ashley, "I'll go."

She closed her eyes and allowed sleep to take over.


	2. Chapter 2

Three days past before Wanda was released. She had to be medically cleared before leaving. Ashley drove her home to pack her bags and other necessities allowed in the treatment center. She could tell Wanda was more moody than usual, an obvious sign she despised having to go. Wanda huffed as she zipped her suitcase shut.

"That it?" Ashley asked. Wanda nodded and moved to carry it to the backseat of Ashley's car. "And you'll take care of Koda while I'm gone?"

Ashley smiled, "He won't even notice you were gone by the time you get back." Wanda gave Koda a soft kiss and held him for a few more minutes before finally making the choice to leave. She swore if she took one last look at him she'd take everything back and stop herself from going.

"You ready?" Wanda looked back at her place and nodded.

_This was it, she was now officially on the road to recovery._

. . . 

It was mid-day when they arrived. Wanda was met with two people, both of them standing tall and proud. Wanda scoffed at the sight of them, it was something you'd see in movies or TV shows, commercials even. "It's nice to finally put a name to a face! Ashley has told me a lot about you. I'm Jessica, director of the young adults services. Right next to me is Peggy, one of nurses that will be assisting you during your stay." Jessica offered a kind smile and stuck her hand out for Wanda to shake, but the brunette ignored her and stepped out of the car, placing her feet on the soft soil beneath her.

Her bags were taken out and given to Peggy. Wanda didn't really know what to expect, but a house-like residency wasn't it. She thought all treatment centers were supposed to look plane and boring with white walls and eye-blinding lights. This wasn't the case though.

After filling out tons of paperwork and going through body check, both Ashley and Wanda were lead to a set of double wooden doors. "This is as far as Ashley can come. Wanda, you will be brought to the unit after you say your goodbyes." Peggy spoke calmly, knowing how hard this would be for the young woman. Patient reactions varied from violent outbursts to breaking down so bad they fall to their knees.

Wanda turned to Ashley, her eyes begging for her to not leave. Ashley noticed this and cautiously pulled Wanda in for a hug. "You can do this, I believe in you. I'll be waiting for you on the other side, and so will Koda. I added my number for phone time if you ever want to talk or vent about how much you hate it here." Wanda managed to giggle through tears, and gently pulled away from the hug. She said one final goodbye to Ashley and made her way back to Peggy.

The doors opened and Walked walked with her down a long hallway. Each step was more agonizing than the other. She had no clue why she was even here. Yes, Wanda recognized she had a few things wrong with her and yes she needed help, but her existence? She didn't think that was worth anything.

"We've got a program, several actually," Peggy muttered. "But this one is different."

"Doesn't every treatment center say that?" Wanda questioned, though it wasn't far off.

"No not that kind of program. This is...more therapeutic if you ask me. It's a pen pal match. There's a list of volunteers and you pick one, what you do with that is up to you. You can be completely anonymous or reveal who you are. Lots of the patients do it and find it helpful."

Wanda didn't give any response back, but she kept it in mind for later. She would try to be open to things, just not this early.

"When can I get my suitcase?" "Around dinner time, that way you can shower afterwards."

It was another minute before they reached the unit, Peggy stopped her before they went in. "Now there are a few ground rules we have to cover first. You ready?" Wanda nodded.

"No hitting, pushing, kicking, biting, or any other form of physical aggression. Relationships within the unit are not allowed, so no kissing or anything like that with another patient. Everyone is expected to keep their rooms nice and neat, so make your bed in the morning and pick up after yourself, that kind of thing. Please refrain from bringing in harmful substances or items from the outside world, as you will be allowed to go places and volunteer for things when they come up.

In here we go by a level code, each one has their own privileges. Every new person starts at a level D, meaning you get seven minutes of phone time, bed time at nine; although we know most patients won't actually go to sleep by then, it's just a rule. And lastly, you won't be able to apply for any of the outside activities other than the ones on facility grounds."

Peggy let Wanda take in everything she said before continuing. "Level C gets to participate in off ground activities twice a month. Their bedtime is at ten, and they get a phone time of fifteen minutes. Level A and B are pretty much the same, they get to go out four times a month, call time of thirty minutes, and bedtime at 10:45. The only difference being level A gets to go to the movies once a month. Everyone has their own chores. There will be a weekly list of who does what. For the most part it's just taking out the trash, doing the dishes, stuff like that. But on occasion we'll do yard work.

"Breakfast is at eight in the morning, lunch is happening right now, and dinner is a six in the evening. Each day will vary depending on the schedule and patient, but some things are the same like group therapy, one on one therapy, and rec time. You will be seeing Maria for therapy and Banner for medications if he decides you need them. Any questions?"

Wanda couldn't come up with any apart from one really obvious question, everything else seemed pretty straight forward.

"Can I go to my room?"

Peggy let out a small laugh, "I figured that's what you'd be asking. Yes you can, if you'd rather meet the other patients later we can arrange that."

Wanda followed Peggy through the doors, slowly taking everything in. "This is where everyone hangs out. There's the TV, couch, and a few board games like chess and checkers over there. Peter loves chess, you won't ever find him in front of the TV. If he is then he's probably being held against his will by the other patients. Over there is the nurses station, that's where the medication is passed out. And down this hallway are each of the rooms. Boys are with boys and girls are with girls."

"Am I allowed a journal?"

"Yes, but because you're on level D you will have to write where a staff member can see you. We don't want to take any risks." Wanda was confused. It was just journaling? Peggy caught on and elaborated, "Level D patients are usually the most vulnerable. We've had patients in the past scratch themselves with the end of the pen. We're just being careful."

"Oh."

Peggy nodded and stopped in front of Wanda's room. "You will be rooming with Ava. She's a gentle girl, I'm sure you'll like her."

Wanda stepped in her room. Inside were two beds with night stand in between them and a lamp on top. There was a bathroom to the left, and a window to the right of the room. It was nice, something Wanda definitely didn't expect. Then again she would be staying here for awhile, they probably made it as home-like as possible. Although Wanda never really had the best 'home-like' situations, she did have a home within her brother. And that was something she'd never be able to get back.

"The bed closest to the bathroom is all yours, enjoy."

"Thanks."

"It's no problem dear. Your first official day starts tomorrow, so do whatever within rules until then. I'll be at the station if you need anything, alright?" Peggy smiled and left the room, leaving Wanda to be accompanied with her thoughts.

Wanda sighed and laid on the bed. She pulled the blanket over her head like a little kid would if monsters were near. Out of all the things she could be upset about, there was only one that distressed her the most was the fact that she missed Koda. He was her little rock after Pietro died, and now she had nothing but a pillow and a blanket to comfort her.

Wanda was smart enough to brought a picture of Pietro and Koda together, she knew she couldn't survive without it. Koda was on Pietro's shoulder and the silver haired man stood smiling, pointing towards the cat. Unfortunately, Wanda wouldn't be able to have it until her suitcase was returned.

Eventually Wanda fell asleep from the sound of the AC running. She tossed and turned, her nightmare ripping her apart with every bad memory of the event. She woke up with an unfamiliar nurse at her side, her sweat covered the bed. Wanda sat up, her brain in survival mode, and pulled away from the woman in front of her.

"Hey, you're okay. Focus on your surroundings, remember where you're at. Look at my eyes and match my breathing."

At some point Wanda regulated her breaths and managed to get her attention back to the world around her.

"I'm Sharon, and behind me is Ava. She came and got me when she noticed you were getting out of control." Wanda brought her knees up to her chest and studied the two women in front of her. Sharon's blonde hair stopped just above her collarbones, and her eyes were dark brown. She had life in them, something Wanda didn't wasn't sure how to take.

Ava stood two inches shorter than Sharon. Wanda took notice of her extremely thin figure, drawing the conclusion that she had an eating disorder. Her hair was long and brittle, and her caramel skin was pale with a touch of blue to her lips. Although everything else about her was dead, she offered a small smile in Wanda's direction.

"I-I'm sorry. I hope it was okay I got someone." Wanda took note of the shakiness in her voice, "It's fine. Thank you for doing that," she replied, albeit she would've much rather handled it on her own. But she did appreciate the friendly gesture from the girl.

"What time is it?" Wanda asked.

"Almost midnight. Are you hungry? I know you didn't have lunch or dinner, so if you are we've got food for you up front."

"I'm okay, thank you." Sharon raised her eyebrow. "How about something small? A few crackers maybe?"

"Sure, I guess."

"I'll be back." Sharon patted Wanda's bed and left. Ava anxiously sat on her bed staring at Wanda before speaking, "Do you have one too?"

"What? An eating disorder?" Ava nodded. Wanda quickly shook her head. "No, I'm just not hungry. I haven't had a very big appetite in a few months. I like food when I'm hungry though, I'll eat anything."

"You look like you do for someone who doesn't. I wish I was like that, naturally thin and beautiful." Wanda frowned at her words, not understanding what she meant by them. Before Wanda could reply though, Sharon came back with a few saltines and a glass of water in her hands.

"Trashcan is over there when you're finished."

"Thank you." Wanda didn't really know what to do with the food in her hands and Ava could tell. "Y'know you can just break them up in the napkin and flush the crumbs away." Wanda smiled sadly at her before following through with it, feeling like she had no other option.

When she was finished Wanda laid back in bed, hoping to fade away into existence. Ava turned off the lights and fell back asleep, letting her roommate settle in. Unbeknownst to her, Wanda would be staying up for the rest of the night trying to keep herself sane enough to not breakdown again. It was embarrassing enough that another nurse had to come in and calm her down, she didn't need a repeat of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope this was okay !! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is just me making everyone suffer im so sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't revise this as good as i should have, so that's definitely on me. as always TW for eating disorders, depression, and slight mention of self-harm.
> 
> (Sorry for all the notifications, this kept glitching and i kept having to post it again)

Wanda didn't sleep the rest of that night, too afraid of having another nightmare. Instead, she waited in the dark and eventually watched the sun rise. Still new, Wanda wasn't sure if she was allowed in the main room or if she had to wait in her bed until being told otherwise.

It wasn't long before the sound of the door opening startled her. "You're alright, dear. It's just me, Peggy." Wanda was greeted by the friendly woman. "Let me get your vitals real quick and then you can shower. Your suitcase is by the set of drawers over there. When I'm done you can go get your stuff."

The younger woman nodded, extending her as she sat up. When Peggy was finished checking her blood pressure and temperature, Wanda rushed towards her case, worriedly rummaging through her things for her picture. Alas, after a moments more of digging, her eyes landed on the beloved picture. Wanda couldn't help but sniffle. Peggy took a mental note, but easily decided not to say anything. She was too busy reading Ava's vitals to say anything in the moment.

Right before closing the bathroom door (that had no locks, to which the brunette found annoying), Wanda heard was Peggy telling Ava that her heart rate was too low.

Placing her feet in the shower, she focused on the wall in front of her, letting the water splash her body. Wanda's eyes traced over her frame. She hated the way she looked. Ava was right, if you wouldn't have known her, anyone would've guessed an eating disorder.

Wanda had lost all her curves. There was a slightly bigger gap between her legs than there had been a few months ago. It was uncomfortable to say the least now that she'd thought about it. These days Wanda couldn't even lean on a wall without getting bruised.

When she was finished scrubbing ever inch of her body ( _twice),_ Wanda stepped out of the shower and let her gaze linger on the circular scar just below her rib cage. It was a constant reminder of what happened; a souvenir left behind from her attacker.

Sighing, she wrapped herself in a towel, unable to stare at herself any longer She brushed her teeth and got herself dressed.

Wanda made her way back into the room, plopping down on the edge of her bed. She towel dried her hair, catching sight of the wheelchair that stood at the edge of Ava's bed. Before she could turn away, her roommate answered her questions for her.

"Doctors don't like it when I'm walking with a heart rate of 52 beats per minute. They think I'm burning too many calories, so for my 'safety' they have me in the chair. Peter usually wheels me around. It fucking sucks."

Ava leaned her head pack down on her pillow as she waited for Peggy's return. She wasn't allowed to move hardly at all on her own while she was this sick.

Wanda nodded softly, but that's when she remembered there were other patients in the building.

She was nervous. She had no clue how many there were or what they were like. Suddenly Wanda felt sick. Everything was going by so fast  _– too fast –_  it felt like she was being boxed up and set to go wherever she happened to land.

Ava picked up on her anxieties, "They're all really nice. I think you'll enjoy them, just don't piss off Val." The younger girl smirked as Wanda tilted her head in confusion.

The two girls made their way out of the room with the help of Peggy. She walked down the hall and into the main room. When she arrived, Wanda stood awkwardly in front of everyone. All eyes were on her. "I'll introduce you," Ava whispered.

"Looks like everyone is here. That's Peter over there at the chess table with Clint. Val's right there, and Bucky is the one laying on the couch with his shoes on," Ava teased, causing the shaggy man to groan. Wanda studied them for a moment's time.

Peter barely looked legal enough to even be in the facility. He was tall and lanky with short brown hair. Her eyes moved over to Clint, the first thing she noticed being his hearing aids. They were purple. Wanda smiled to herself, grateful she'd taken ASL classes in high school. Her memory was on her side, and that would make it easier for her to communicate with him if need be.

And then there was Bucky. His hair was much longer than any of the other men that were housed with them. It was ruffled and unkempt, but that wasn't out of the norm for people in treatment. By the looks of it he hadn't changed clothes in the past few days either. Stains were gradually building up on both his shirt and pants, but as long as Bucky didn't reek up a storm none of the patients gave him a hard time. He was depressed, overridden with trauma.

Lastly there was Val (a nickname Wanda later learned was far from her real name). She had a similar skin color to Ava's, except Val seemed more closed off and angrier than Wanda's roommate. Val latched onto Wanda's curiosity, but the paler girl knew boundaries.

"And everyone, this is Wanda. She'll be staying with us for awhile. Be nice to her." A deep voice cut through the air and Ava rolled her eyes with a smile on her face. "That was Thor, he's another one of the nurses here. You'll get past his name in a few days. He's great, one of the more nicer ones as long as you don't make him mad." Wanda took another look at him as he stood relaxed against the station. She noticed his two different eye colors, taking a liking to how cool she thought it was.

Ava pointed in another direction, "Over there are Peter Quill and May. We call Peter 'Quill' most of the time so we don't get him mixed with Parker over there. May's really sweet, everyone likes her. She-"

"Where are the therapists?" Wanda cut her off.

"Oh, they're at the breakfast table waiting for us actually. That's where we'll go next. Peter will wheel me, you go on ahead."

Wanda nodded **,**  panic mixing in with her newly found hungriness. Before the group left for breakfast, she sat down at an empty table secluded away from everyone else. Wanda glanced at everyone around her, they all seemed nice. Her only problem was she didn't know anyone.

As a kid, Pietro and her would try and make up stories about people and their pasts. They'd come up with all kinds of crazy ideas, sometimes even going into fantasy land, calling people gods or superheroes. It was the small things like that which caused her a great heartache.

Feeling a tap on her shoulder, Wanda looked up to find the woman identified as May standing in front of her. She had kind eyes and a warm smile, two things that reminded Wanda of her mother. "You ready? The rest already left without us." Wanda hadn't realized everyone around her was gone until now, and she wondered why at least Ava didn't say anything.

When she got to the kitchen area, she sat in the first empty chair she could find after getting a small plate of food and a carton of chocolate milk. Nostalgia coursed it's way through her bones as she read the cheesy one-liner on the back of the milk carton. Those were something she and Pietro always poked fun at.

Her plate was more empty than it was full. It wasn't much, but it was something. Wanda ate in silence, blocking out everyone's voices while she studied her new surroundings. Shefound Ava beside Sharon and Peter, her whole plate filled with food. Ava seemed to be stressed, tapping her foot up and down 90 miles an hour.

Wanda couldn't really imagine what it was like to have an eating disorder. She'd always liked food, but her depression was an appetite killer. Food became the least of her worries, trauma and fear taking ahold.

She finished her plate and rested her head between her hands, giving thought about why she was really here. Wanda had every chance to leave, she could refuse treatment and sign herself out, but she didn't. And she couldn't figure out why.

"Maximoff is it?" Once again, her attention was ripped away from her thoughts. "I'm Maria Hill. I'll be the one working with you during your stay." The older woman across from the patient making a small attempt to connect with her, but Wanda wasn't going to be simple. She didn't feel like any others therapist (aside from Ashley) was safe. Ashley was the only one she semi-decently trusted after six months of work. Now she has to put that into someone else all over again.

Wanda ignored her, completely shutting herself down from the small branch of connection that was offered. She didn't even look in Maria's direction. Maria wasn't dumb, she knew getting to know Wanda wouldn't be easy. But she never met a challenge she didn't face, so instead she continued lightly trying to make small talk.

"How was your first night?" Wanda tensed up at the question, suddenly remembering her nightmare all at once. She clenched her jaw and closed her eyes, hoping to secure herself enough so she didn't have a panic attack.

"Ava's been really nice to you I've heard." Wanda sighed laid her head down on the table. "I'll get you to talk soon, Maximoff." Wanda could hear the playfulness from her mouth, but there was nothing Maria could do to get her to speak. Wanda's mind was already made up on that, and it'd be a hard wall to breakdown if the older woman actually tried.

"Alright, group therapy's next. Finish up what you can." Quill's voice rang out, catching both Maria and Wanda off guard. Wanda abruptly stood up and placed her dishes in the sink, glancing at the chore list on the way out.

 ****ALL MUST BE COMPLETE BY 8PM*** *

**Bucky -** _trash, mop after peter, gather laundry from the men, work with Wanda while washing assigned clothes._

**Peter -** _sweep, clean bathrooms, mirrors, and outside windows. Dust and vacuum twice a week._

**Val -**   _place dishes in dishwasher and unload them when ready, water the plants._

**Clint -** _feed the fish, fold blankets on couch, adjust AC according to chart._

**Ava -** _X_

**Wanda -**   _gather laundry from the women. Work with Bucky while washing assigned clothes._  
  


She noticed the  **X**  by Ava's name and felt sorry for the girl. The severity of her roommate's condition was frightening, and Wanda was almost scared she would die any second of the day.

Pushing away her distracted thoughts, she made her way towards the rest of the group. There was a big distance between her and the group so she wasn't the center of attention. Bucky kindly made his way to her, hoping to help ease any first day jitters.

"Is it everything you thought it'd be?"

"Kind of expected a more clinical setting if I'm honest." Bucky nodded and watched her tense under his gaze, "We all felt the same way too."

"Do you know if cigarettes are allowed?"

He shook his head, "No, they try to get you off of anything you come in here with. If you're having really bad withdrawals or cravings they have nicotine gum, all you have to do is ask."

She missed having access to everything. She missed being able to walk a block to the gas station and pick up something. That was freedom. Being here felt awkward and out of place, and she wasn't sure how to take it.

____

"I assume you've all met Wanda by now or at least have seen her, right?" Peggy was met with a few answers and nods, "Good. Before we start I want everyone to introduce themselves and one reason why you're here. Remember this is a safe place and what's said here, stays here."

Clint spoke first, telling everyone his main issue. He was far from ashamed of it, something Wanda liked. Clint owned his illness for the most part, he knew there was both he could do to change it. The blonde man had a knack at accepting and moving past things in his way.

"They diagnosed me with paranoid schizophrenia. My brain wouldn't adjust to the medication my psychiatrist gave me, so now I'm here. I feel a lot better than day one, but i still have a ways to go." Wanda gave a small nod in his direction and shifted her eyes to the next person. Val.

"Well for starters my real name is Brunnhilde, but only close friends call me that. Sometimes it's Brunn, but you won't be using that for awhile. And apparently I drink too much." Her bluntness caught Wanda off guard, but nonetheless she listened to what little she had to say.

"You're next Parker."

Peter was anxious, that much Wanda could tell. He cracked his knuckles and rubbed his hands together over and over again. Not long after and he began to lightly pinch himself, using the sleeves of his sweatshirt to hide it. But Wanda had a full history of self-harm, she knew was he was doing. 

He gave a small wave in her general direction and nervously laughed. "I'm Peter... I'm nothing special really. No horrifying past or anything from me, and I don't have any cool stories to tell. I'm only useful for science-y stuff and bad jokes."

He pushed his hand against his collarbone, a nervous tick of his. Then it was wiping his hands on his jeans two times, and after that he pressed back on his bone. Peter did this sequence of actions three more times before finally speaking again.

"I tried to kill myself not long after I watched my uncle die. He was shot in the chest with a Smith & Wesson, the bullet traveled to his heart and ripped open an artery. He bled out too quick before anyone could do anything. That's- that's why I'm here."

The door opened and Ava walked in, quietly sitting in a chair next to Bucky. "Bucky will go, then Ava, and then Wanda you will go."

It turned out Bucky had PTSD from war, which didn't necessarily surprise Wanda given that he was the oldest out of the group. What he thought to be an explosion was just children throwing rocks at the side of a metal building. His mind went into survival mode and he's been trying to piece back together everything since.

Ava gave her story. She was abused as a child and now she believed she deserved pain. Starving herself became her only way of coping. She didn't mean for it to get so bad, but like most anorexics she didn't care at that point.

"Wanda?" She stiffened at Peggy's voice, feeling like she was in trouble all over again. She noticeably sunk back in her chair. It wasn't Peggy's tone of voice that sent her derailing, more so the attention brought upon her. She grew up associating with attention being a bad thing, that's when everyone would laugh at her as a kid, or when she would get the belt from whoever it was she lived with. So with that in mind, as a teenager Wanda adapted, adjusted, and kept only with her brother. If she wasn't noticed, she wasn't hurt.

The young adult shrugged casually, "I just didn't want to be here, I don't know..."

"Can you elaborate on that?"

_Just another way of getting you to talk._

"No."

Peggy nodded and jotted a quick note on her paper, but Wanda pretended like she could see. Her left hand found its way to her mouth and she bit down on her third nail.

There was a reason she didn't speak about anything, and that reason was because she was scared someone might use what she said against her. Pietro was the only person she'd ever trust. He was her brother, her other half. Without him she was, well,  _here._

They moved on with group, Wanda being as silent as possible. The longer she sat, the more she began to regret her decision on staying.

She didn't want to be here, she  _couldn't_  be here. Wanda had built another life outside, she should be attending that, not this.

And although that's how she felt, the reality of it was sad. At 26 years old Wanda had dropped out of studies, never made any close friends, and didn't have the mental stability to hold down a job. She was always anxious, depressed, sometimes too empty to function. Pietro tried helping her, tried sticking up for her, but there was only so much he could do. So instead, the silver haired boy got a job making eleven bucks an hour and took care of her. On occasion he would feed her, but that was only when she got so bad she couldn't even leave the bed to use the bathroom. Wanda appreciated him, much more than he ever knew.

Wanda was so wrapped up in her thoughts she didn't even realize group had finished. She snapped out of it and found that it was just her and Peggy. She anxiously cracked her knuckles and began fiddling with the sleeves of her shirt. Peggy stared at her, reading the clear emotions the girl displayed. 

Peggy wanted to know her – really know her– but knew the girl had no trust in anyone. So rather than pushing anything, she smiled. "The rest are with May learning some life skills. You're free to go if you want. Just down the hall and to your left."

Wanda nodded and took off, not wanting to be alone with any of the staff.

____

Thirty one days passed and Wanda was no different than the day of her arrival. The brunette refused to talk or participate in any kind of group or therapy. Her bed was her comfort zone. She slept away most of the days, ignoring the staff trying to coax her into leaving the room.

Occasionally she'd notice Ava journaling or trying to hide food. But the staff always knew. And from the looks of it, the younger woman  _had_  gained a little weight. Ava spent three days crying when she found out her double zero pants no longer fit.

Nights were just as bad as the daytime. Wanda constantly awoke from night terrors, no matter what time it was. It was the same thing over and over again, and it felt like an eternity before she would ever wake up.

The staff felt for the woman, but there was a time where Wanda needed to make some kind of improvement for herself or else she'd be asked to leave. There were tons of outside people that could benefit from the program. Wanda still hasn't even talked about  _why_  she was here.

However, one night while Ava was in the main room with everyone else, Wanda woke up to Maria sitting beside her bed. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but before she could say anything the older woman spoke.

"You know, out of all my time working here you've been one of my biggest patient challenges. Most everyone takes a few weeks to crack the surface and then its a ride from then on, but you, it's been a month. It's not a bad thing really, patients like you make me feel like I have a purpose."

Maria squinted her eyes and tilted her head, inching closer towards the girl. "So why don't you try, Wanda? What's stopping you? Fear? Abandonment? Tell me Maximoff, what is it?"

Wanda clenched her jaw, she knew Maria was trying to get a rise out of her. And it was working from the looks of it. So instead of saying anything, she simply turned over, no longer facing the woman that was supposed to be her therapist.

"Not gonna work, Wanda. I know a lot more than you think I do. Wanna hear what I think? I think you were probably assaulted. The nightmares you always have give that away. You were more than likely abused when you were younger. All the flinching, lack of trust, moving away from someone – that proves to me you've had a bad history with touch. I think everything built up and you felt like there was no point anymore. You felt alone, Wanda. I believe that's why you tried to kill yourse-"

"STOP!"

Sobs heaved from her body, everything flowing out all at once. "Stop it! I hate it. I hate it so much. I'm so sorry, I'm  _so_  sorry I never meant to let it get this bad!" Maria had finally broken the dam, she'd  _finally_  accomplished her first step towards helping Wanda.

"I'm here, it's okay. None of it was your fault. You have to know that."

"But it is..." she sobbed.

All Maria could see was the back of her patient's body shaking. Wanda's spine jabbed out a bit more than last week. Maria took notice of that and made a note to start a meal plan for her. Wanda wasn't caring for herself in the least bit, and they needed to fix that as soon as possible.

Twenty minutes later and Wanda was finally calming down. She sat up on her bed and faced Maria, still not allowing herself to make eye contact.

"Will you give it a shot? Trust me and know that you can make it." Wanda debated her options. She could either take back all the control she lost and really begin to live her life, or she could continue with the same harmful patters and remain stuck in an unending cycle that would inevitably kill her. Wanda nodded and swallowed the saliva in her mouth.

"Okay."

 


End file.
